polar bears are left handed

im home alone on a saturday night stalking national geographic and just participated in a 'lion quiz'. cool rube.
as we speak 50 first dates is on. i wish to have a elephant seal friend like jocko. they have willies that are 2 feet long and have mouths the size of human heads! FACT however this not why i want one as a friend heheh lolz rude boi boi
please enjoy these images, they are ma fave n part of ma kewl 'david attenborough inspiration' book i totally did not make for myself with paper and glue for my bedside table... im such a nature lesbian :(

cat nipples

hello internet!
i havent blogged in like woah almost a whole week. something quite thrilling has just occured and i thought to myself 'WHO would actually care about me ripping off rufus's (my sweet genically skin challenged cat)nipple?'. Im sure no ones does but since i just made a facebook status about it and have had only a comment from lucy about it (bullied her into it so it didnt have to be deleted due to lack of interest) im going to write about it on here.
SOOO there i was with willie (father) at the dinner table. we had just finished our delicious pork chop meal and had rufus nuzzling my lap and overhanging breasts. THEN shock horror! suddenly i felt something! *inserts scream in background*. it was a 'tick'. Could i let my sweet feline friend of 11 years die on my lap? NO.
Willie and i then commenced to pin down rufus by all fours whilst i squeenzed at the tick. this did not work. finally i had to clamp it with my finger and rip away!
it was fabulous! like a furry black seseame seed!
you may be thinking ruby what the funk? i am also doing the same as im quite embarassed by this idiot blog that has taken 10 solid minutes to write.

you will also be interested to know that i am now deleting my facebook post as in 18 minutes it has recieved NO COMMENTS! my post this on FML.com as its like such a hilar n embaz thing to happen. ha kidz gay
OKAY bye bye

lush locks

vus upp im bruno,
as i blog i am watching top model. its the poo end of season episode where tyra goes through all the 'wonderous' moments from the cycle. tyra really makes me angry and FIERCE as all she ever talks about is herself. that bitch needs a blog... am i right am i right (please imagine whilst reading this with a pout and black gal hand gesture).

Tonight i washed my hair; it had been 6 days. Mummy jenitlekins purchased me a new afro comb today from coles!! my old one had mould in it. she didnt buy the whole 'it adds body jen god' excuse :( however, it de-tangles like a gasmic drream!)
it was also time to wash my hair as this arv my father, to whom is becoming alot more visual with age, told me that the clear johnson & johnson talcum power line down my part looked like severe dandruff. this is embarrassing as i had been at uni all day and being me, the penis magnet that i am, i clearly conversed with many a men. This also reminds me to share that when i went to the loo at unz to adjust my top knot, i bent down to pick up ma baggette (after hair alterations obviously) and stabbed my head into the paper towel spikey riper offerer. trez painful!

ive also decided to state that i now h8 'noted fashion photographer' nigel barker. and miss j WHO IS CLEARLY SICK OF ACTING LIKE A WOMEN NOW like hello you are not shocking me with your huge expanding sleeves.

RUBY is about to start on the 'style network'. mumma and i luv watching this. however of course the only other person called ruby in the world is a morbidly obese whale from savvannah georgia! but snaps for ruby babe, i mean trying to lose like 600 pounds is hard. i can relate. i had to do this with my chin, it was chronically large. i was really sensitive about it. people used to facebook comment me and prank call me about it all the time!! FML



i like to pretend that i am her and jenitle is my dog (RIP lucy) who i carry around.. weird yes
okay time to go and enjoy the television even more!!! goodnight cyber world

hellllloooo loooverrr

hello,
just thought id report that yesterday i had just the GREATEST day at work. i was slapped by a 12 year old, abused by an old english man and given the bird by an unattractive mother. the public are eish!
after work i played net ball with ma netbrawlerz crew. was intense, we tied however i actually had great success and scored... a goal haha tricked you! came home only to learn i had missed 60 minutes. however got a phone call from ma ex prison boy lover in africa. cuuuuuttttteeeeee
alright farewell i must now begin my writting my assignment on the koala. you may think this is a joke. do envm2200 and it wont be........



GOODBYE LOVERS **said in a carrie bradshaw esque fashion**

has baby **lets self go**

i have just discovered something horrid....
so i have just finished watching a latest episode of KENDRA on surfthechannel. And have had an huppifany (kewl way to spell it duh?)
I SHOULD NEVER HAVE A CHILD AS I WILL LET MYSELF GO BEYOND BELIEF i am depresso now that if kendra can become a fat mule then so will i! and she had hef! i have a pirate long distance lover...
This has really destressed me as i will most likely never find a husband! then by the slight luck that i do, and i get knocked up, he will leave me as my bodice will swell beyond beleif.
anyway no one was online atm of this dibark-L so i had to let out the pain on ma new blog!

KNEE HOW

well hello there,
i thought i would be really kewl and sheepeqsue and create a blog! i feel that i have one too many thoughts, frustrations and sexual urges trapped in my funny fat kid physique. also making a blog seems to get intense acknowledgement on facebook JEALOUS!

Today i organised my life. By this i mean i purchased shares in the stock market (investing if you care to know, in a company that produces ointment) and also purchased my return ticket from south africa. I did not know that you need one to get into the country to begin with. the idiot lady from india called Nasala in canberra did not want to help me the 5 times i rang about my visa. bitch.
I also learnt today that i am being tax'd ridykulously because of my 'two jobs'. In case you were wondering I scoop icecream for a living. And protect art with a radio. I was recently promoted with... AN EARPIECE wwwwwowoowowowow. trez sheek
Its bad enough that parents tell there children "dont touch the elk otherwise that big lady will through you out" but now my hard, gender earned savings are being taken by the gov. AND i have a huge muscle on my left arm from scoopin
anyway
my life is now organised for the day i think. however earlier my father told me to cut off my hair as it apparently is a 'fuzzed as a wizards beard'.
i must do this this week.

i hope now that i am a-one with the blogging community that they will in fact be more positive in the future!